Handling The Grief Of Losing Your Dog

There is no doubt that losing your dog is one of the hardest things you will encounter in your lifetime. Couple this with the fact that not everyone will understand exactly how you're feeling can make this whole situation even more difficult to handle. 

But They Were Just A Dog?

This phrase can see people brushing their feelings under the carpet and not truly allowing themselves to feel their emotions fully. People can be embarrassed to feel so desperately sad over losing 'just a dog.' In reality, I don't know where the term 'just a dog' really comes from? What is this in comparison to? After all, although our dogs are not humans, they are feeling, sentient beings, with whom we nurture deep, meaningful relationships. For some people, the bond they share with their dog is more substantial than any they have with other human beings. So, it's not hard to understand how devastating it is for them when the time comes to say goodbye to their dog. 

Grief Is Like The Ocean

A quote that always resonates with me is along the lines of; Grief is like the ocean. It ebbs and flows and comes in waves. Sometimes the waves are small, calm, and easily navigated. Other times they are huge, powerful, and overwhelming. And this is natural and normal and something entirely out of our control. All we can do is try and find our way through and weather the storm of grief we find ourselves in. 

But You Have Another Dog?

Whether you had 2 or 22 dogs in your life, it doesn't make losing one any easier. Nor should you dampen these feelings of loss and sadness. Instead, pour the extra love you now have into your other dogs. They can help you heal, and you can grieve together. However, you should never feel as though you're not allowed to feel as upset simply because you still have another dog at home. 

Is Grief Really Love?

Although the first emotions you think of when considering grief are to do with sadness, it can be helpful to think of them as love. It is because of the deep love you felt for your dog that you miss them so much. All the love you want to show them, but can't now they are not physically here, has to go somewhere. The love gathers up within you and overflows as tears running down your face. So perhaps grief is actually a build-up of love, that suddenly has nowhere to go?

Find Comfort Where You Can 

There is no doubt about it; grieving is hard. It can be grueling and breath-taking, and completely consuming. Everyone will handle this rollercoaster differently. Some surround themselves with their departed companion's photos, videos, and possessions. They may have their dog's ashes turned into jewellery or a tattoo, or have them buried in their back garden. Taking comfort in holding them close to them, even after they're gone. Some find it too painful to even think of their beloved dog without an overwhelming sense of sadness. Others want to set their dog free once more and choose to scatter their ashes in a mutually loved location. Whatever you decide to do, make sure it's the right thing for you. It's a very personal process that will undoubtedly differ vastly from someone else in a similar situation. 

But It Gets Easier Over Time?

I personally don't agree with the idea that grief becomes easier over time. In fact, I think that the grief of losing your dog never truly leaves you. You carry it with you wherever you go. Your grief buries itself deep within you, in a place where you can't access it readily, yet you know it's there deep down. As time passes, there may be days when you don't dwell on your grief as much as others. The tears don't fall as freely as they once did. But then, a tiny, almost insignificant thing will come along, and your grief will bubble up from its resting place once again. You will find their fur behind some furniture that hasn't been moved for years. You catch a glimpse of a photograph of them. You walk past the bench where you used to sit with them on your daily walks, only this time, they are not by your side. 

So no, I don't think that time heals all wounds, that things get easier over time, or that any other cliched quote fully applies to your situation. And, I think that by encouraging these types of mindsets means we don't feel like we are allowed to still be sad. It's okay to miss your dog 20 years after you said goodbye to them. It's okay to cry and to miss their smell and the feeling of their face in your palm. And most importantly, it's okay to still be grieving the loss of your companion for the rest of your life. There is no shame in this. There is no set timeline for when your grieving should be completed. So please don't feel guilty for feeling your sadness so deeply.